I wanna be a runner

When I got my treadmill, I thought it would be easy.  I would just get on it and run.  A month or so into it, I am having a lot of pain in my left heel.  Sometimes I can't even walk it is so painful.  Of course I have done internet research and I think that it is something called Plantar Fasciitis.  Apparently overweight, older people with high arches are prone to this condition when running.  That's me rolled up into one sentence!  Anyways, it hurts!  Hopefully when I go home for Christmas, my brother (an athletic trainer), can help me out.  Here is a link with more information:  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/plantar-fasciitis/DS00508


I am up to 20 minutes a couple times a week.  Nine of those minutes are running at a 4.


I am going to start another food journal.  Maybe I should do it on here?  Since no one reads this, it would be a safe place to publish everything - food journal, weight, exercise log.  Let's see if I can remember to start this on Sunday!

Cake Disaster #1

So I heard about my first cake disaster today.  I made a "Flowers & Butterflies" cake for a four-year-old's birthday party.  Here is a picture of the cake.  Anyways, I met the dad and brother and they took the cake.  I emailed the mom today to see how she liked it.  When she got back with me, she told me that her husband and son were almost in an accident on the way home.  The cake fell to the floor of the car!  Mom re-iced the cake and they served it at the party.  I almost want to ask for a picture of it, but hate to!  I feel bad, but also realize there is nothing I could do.  She did say it tasted good, that's something, right?

UGH!

I swear, my kids know just how to sabotage a good weekend.  All I wanted was to go out to dinner tonight and then pick out a pumpkin at the church down the road.  All I asked of the kids was to clean their rooms before we went.  Emily has been in their all weekend and still doesn't have one side clean.  I spent six hours in my room yesterday deep cleaning and today Brendan is in there watching TV, sitting on my bed, messing up the comforter.  
We have had one "fun" weekend that I can remember.  Thing is, I don't think they  had to clean their rooms that weekend.  I just get so down that they don't have any respect for me.  They just don't care.  How did I raise these kids who don't care about anyone except themselves?

So I read the summary of my blog and had to laugh.  I am sitting in the chair, eating pretzels, drinking wine, texting with a guy I "met" online over 6 weeks ago and have yet to meet in person.  What does that have to do with not being depressed, losing weight, and dating?  Nothing!  No wonder I don't make any progress!  I know that I am the only one stopping me succeed, I just need to figure out why I am stopping me!

It's a Wednesday

I know, how exciting.  Kind of like today.

Today did start off pretty interesting though.  I have been texting off and on with a guy named Jim.  He's a red head and I have this thing for red heads.  We were texting early this morning.  Let me preface by saying, he is always asking for pics and freely sends pics of himself, usually chest up but in bed.  Well this morning I had mentioned that I was getting in the shower, he of course wanted a pic.  I told him no, so he sent me one of him.  I asked if he was working and if he had stock photos in his phone.  He does and proceeded to send me one of his manhood at full attention.  After deleting it immediately (just what  I want my kids to come across!) I told him no more of that because first of all my kids use my phone, and secondly I tend to take it slower than that.  We shall see if I ever hear from him again!  Do I want to hear from him again?

Bill and I continue to talk to text everyday, but nothing more.  Maybe he wants a friend?  It is kind of nice to have that, but it would be nice to meet the guy face to face!

Adrian has backed off some.  We played phone tag last night and never did talk.  Should I meet him just to see?  Ugh, this sucks!  He does seem to make a good amount of money.  How shallow am I?  Good thing no one reads this!

Online Dating...Again

So, I decided that since I have been single for a while, I would try the world of online dating again. I still had my profile on POF, so I unhid it. I have gotten some contact. Some guys seem tainted by past relationships, and some seem very anxious to meet. I am nervous about meeting because, let's face it, I'm not the cute thin woman I used to be. One guy and I have been texting and have talked twice on the phone. He doesn't seem in a hurry to meet though.

I will continue this saga another day.

Two in Three Days!

Hmmm...feeling a little more upbeat today. I guess it helps to have my meds in me! It could also be that I will be off work for almost a week after today.

My parents and grandma should be in Texas now. They left Wapak yesterday morning at 6:00a.m. (sharp!). No time to waste. They called from just outside Little Rock last night. I can't believe that it's been a year since we have seen them! After going to Wapak three times in six months last year, I needed a break. It will be nice to spend time with my cousins and aunt and uncle too, did I mention they have a pool? Grandma will LOVE being with the 6 great-grandkids! I need to make sure to take lots of pictures.

OK, going to try to get what I need to get done, done.

The Beginning?

Seriously, why do I try to write? I'm not really that good at it, and I don't really have the follow-through to keep it going! To be honest I even clicked away mid-sentence just a minute ago!

OK, so the title, Some Mad Hope, is kind of what I have right now. I think of it as a mixture between hopelessness and hope. Unfortunately it is leaning more towards the hopelessness side of things right now. I am not feeling in control of my life, and I should take the reigns back.

But...do I really want to? Maybe I like to mope and be sad? Maybe I like to isolate myself? Maybe I attract the wrong men on purpose?

How is a person supposed to know? Is everyone meant to be happy?